Ciel's Mystical Adventure
by reyrocks
Summary: This is what happens when I get bored in English class - TOTAL RANDOMNESS! Ciel ends up on a crazy mission from the queen! R&R! I DONT OWN KUROSHITSUJI!


**-A/N – YAY FOR MY FIRST KUROSHITSUJI FIC! hehe so here's a better summary: Ciel gets a new investigation letter from the queen. Ciel and Sebastian have to go to the top of the highest mountain to find a murderer with the Undertaker and Grell. This is a hilarious story in my opinion and I'd love to hear lots of comments on it so be sure to review! :) **

**Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own Kuroshitsuji or any of its content *sobs in corner* **

**NOTE: I updated this to fix grammar mistakes :)**

**Enjoy!**

Ciel's Mystical Adventure

"You have another investigation later, Bocchan," Sebastian said. Ciel took the letter from his butler and read over it. "What does it say?" he asked.

"It says many people have been experiencing random deaths where they scream and drop dead. It makes no sense at all." Ciel paused to sip his tea. "It also says something about going far away."

"Hmm, what should we do, Bocchan?" Sebastian asked.

"The only thing we can do. Go _there_."

* * *

"Heeheehee! You make me laugh so hard!" the Undertaker laughed.

"That's fantastic, now will you please tell us something about all these mysterious deaths?"

Still gasping for air, the Undertaker told them: "Well Earl, if you're dying to know, they I'll tell you that I'm just as clueless as you are! Except someone with nuts for a brain said that the murderer lives at the top of the highest mountain! It's probably just a fairytale though."

"Well it's the only lead I've got, so I guess we're following it. Let's go Sebastian!" Ciel commanded.

"Ooooooh! Can I come with you?" squealed the Undertaker.

"Um, okay but why?" asked Ciel.

"I need to do something to get out. Plus I might find dead bodies along the way!" answered the Undertaker.

"Oh geez, okay you can come."

"YAAAAAAY!" said a very happy Undertaker.

Soon Ciel, Sebastian, and the Undertaker were walking through the town towards the forest.

"To get to the highest mountain, we have to cross through this forest," Sebastian said.

"WHAT! NO! Sebastian, you know I can't go into forests!" exclaimed Ciel.

"Why's that?" the Undertaker asked.

"There's," Ciel leaned closer and whispered, "evil unicorns in there!"

"Oh come on Bocchan, that's a sad excuse!" said Sebastian slightly ticked, but amused.

"No really! Before you were my butler and my parents were alive, me and Lizzy were playing hide and seek in the woods. I had to hide so I hid in a bush, and then I SAW IT! It was an EVIL UNICORN! It almost killed me!"

"Wow, I can't believe a forest scares you!" the Undertaker laughed.

"It is NOT funny!" Ciel pouted.

"It's okay Bocchan, I'll go get you a blankie and something to suck on!" Sebastian teased as the Undertaker laughed hysterically.

"Sebastian!" Ciel said angrily. "Fine! Let's go already!"

So the three of them continued into the woods, Ciel shaking and hiding behind Sebastian the whole time.

"See Bocchan, this isn't so bad," Sebastian said.

"I guess n – WHAT WAS THAT!" Ciel panicked.

"Re-lax dude," said the Undertaker, "You need to chill out man."

"'Dude'?" Ciel said.

"We'll be out of the forest before you know it!" remarked Sebastian.

"Fine," said Ciel. In a second, Ciel saw a flash of red. "AHHHHH! KILLER UNICORN! IT'S ALREADY FOUND ITS FIRST VICTIM! RUN!" Ciel began running in circles.

"What are you talking about?" asked a familiar voice. It was Grell Sutcliff.

"OMG! GRELL IS A UNICORN!" shouted Ciel.

"Wow, you're stupid," said the Undertaker. "What are you doing here?"

"Collecting souls, but fate has brought me back to you, Sebby!" Grell squealed.

"Oh God just make it go away," Sebastian murmured. Ciel was still running in circles.

"HOLY FRIG! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Ciel screamed.

"What's wrong with him?" Grell asked.

"He is deathly afraid of unicorns," Sebastian remarked smiling.

"That's a lie!" Ciel protested.

"Yeah, sure," said the Undertaker.

"Let's just get out of here," Sebastian said and grabbed Ciel.

"AHHHHH!" Ciel bit Sebastian's arm.

"Hey!" Sebastian complained. "Great, now I'm gonna get rabies!"

"Where are you guys going?" Grell asked.

"To the highest mountain!" said the Undertaker. "We're investigating a bunch of deaths!"

"And you're here because…?"

"There could be perfectly good dead bodies out there for me to collect!" snapped the Undertaker.

"How…nice. Can I come with you?" asked Grell.

"NO!" Sebastian screamed.

"Okay!" said Ciel finally calming down.

"Bocchan, I don't want that THING anywhere near me!"

"Yeah, but since YOU made ME come in the forest, Grell gets to come! BWAHAHAHA!" Ciel laughed evilly.

"YAAAAAY! SEEEBBBBBYYYY!" Grell screamed like a girl.

"Aw come ON!" Sebastian yelled. The Undertaker burst out laughing, about to choke on oxygen.

"Now let's go before the unicorns find me!" Ciel said. The four quickly walked out of the forest before Ciel had a spaz attack. Soon, they came to a valley that led to the mountain they needed to get up.

Once they were out of the forest, Ciel rejoiced and said: "I'M ALIVE! I'M FREE FROM THE FOREST!" Ciel then started singing "I'm Alive" by Becca. Sebastian said to himself: "Note to self: Get singing lessons for the Bocchan."

Once Ciel stopped singing, the Undertaker asked: "Yo man, where's the elevator?"

"What is with you being a gangster today?" Ciel asked as they walked down the valley.

"I don't know, would you rather me burst into rap?"

"NO-!"

"Give me a beat Sebastian!" said the Undertaker. Sebastian started beat boxing.

"Just stop! Sebastian!" Ciel complained.

"Sebby can beat box? OMG!" squealed Grell.

"Come on Bocchan, you're no fun!" said Sebastian.

"Am too!" Ciel replied.

"No you're not! You're a heartless little child who can't even laugh! You're also a deranged little maniac who thinks he's an adult! You agree with me, don't you Grell?" asked Sebastian.

"YEEES!~" said a high-pitched Grell.

"Hehe, this is the funniest road trip ever!" smiled the Undertaker.

"Uh, stop doing that!" said Ciel pissed.

"What?"

"Smiling! That creepy grin just creeps me out! You're such a creeper!"

"Well excuse me!" the Undertaker remarked, offended.

"Haha! You just got pawned!" Grell laughed.

"You're just as bad!" said Ciel.

"What? How could you compare me to some dull, boring, obsessed freak?" questioned Grell.

"Glad to know you all love me so much," said the Undertaker sarcastically.

"I am like a supermodel, and you totally just insulted me!" Sebastian had to hold in his laughter, "You're lucky I don't shred you're face!" Grell complained.

"Dude, just calm down!" said Sebastian, "Look, we're here, so let's just find a way to get up there."

"Anything for you, Sebby!~" Grell flirtatiously replied.

"Okay now what?" asked the Undertaker.

Ciel sighed. "Sebastian?"

"Maybe I should throw you again and you can be a little spaz like last time!" **(episode 10) **Sebastian replied, smiling.

"Sebastian!"

"Or maybe we should hitch a ride with a unicorn!" Sebastian excitedly said.

"God forbid! Shut up!" Ciel yelled, fearing a unicorn would come get him. Grell and the Undertaker found this hilarious and were rolling on the ground laughing.

"Ok ok, but seriously, I don't know," Sebastian concluded. "Ideas anyone?"

Silence.

"Oooh! Oooh!" Grell squealed. "I'll give you one for a kiss!"

"No," Sebastian replied sternly. "You don't even have an idea."

"True," Grell replied cockily.

"Oooh I know!" said the Undertaker.

"What?" Ciel asked.

"If you feed me a bunch of star bits, I'll burst with snacky happiness and TRANSFORM!"

"Dude, you totally got that from Super Mario Galaxy!" said Ciel. **(I don't own Super Mario Galaxy or its wondrous starbits)**

"How do you know that?" the Undertaker asked.

"Because Sebastian got me that game for Christmas. He's actually better at it than me," Ciel replied.

"Hehe, I beat it 27 times," Sebastian laughed.

"Where would we get star bits?" Grell asked.

"Get that mushroom!" the Undertaker was pointing at a red mushroom with white polka dots.

"Hey that's Toad!" said Grell, "You can't kill Toad, he's red!" **(I don't own Toad either, thank God ;P)**

"So? Now gimme it!" Grell tossed 'Toad' at the Undertaker. He took the mushroom and ripped off the top, then tons of star bits started to pour out and he began to devour them.

"Oh, wow, that's a lot of sugar," remarked Sebastian.

"The only thing I've ever seen him eat were those dog biscuits!" Ciel said.

"EEEHEEEHHEEE!" the Undertaker laughed like a maniac. "They taste salty!" **(episode 17)**

Ciel smacked his forehead.

"Heh, heh, salty…" Grell chuckled.

Soon there was a giant explosion of light.

"AHHHHHHH! MY EYES!" Ciel screamed, "TOO BRIGHT! TOO BRIGHT! I CAN SEE THE LIGHT! NEED…DARKNESS! AHHHH! I'M BLIND!"

"MY SPLEEN!" Grell screamed.

"What?" Sebastian said confused.

"I felt the need to scream, tehe." Grell said cutely.

Soon, the bright light disappeared.

"OH THANK GOD!" said Ciel relieved.

"Come on guys!" shouted the Undertaker, "Let's go!"

"Go? How? Nothing happened!" Ciel replied.

"Are you kidding me?" said the Undertaker surprised. "Do you not see that giant rainbow I just made?"

Sure enough, there was a rainbow there leading to the top of the mountain.

"Just go with it, Ciel…" Ciel murmured to himself.

"This is so cool!" Grell said excitedly. "Let's go Sebby!~" Grell grabbed Sebastian's hand.

"Gaaah-!" Sebastian replied as he was reluctantly dragged along by Grell.

As the four trekked up the rainbow bridge, the Undertaker said:

"I think we should sing a song!"

"Dude, no," Ciel said.

"What, you wanna rap again?" Sebastian asked the Undertaker.

"Okay!" the Undertaker answered.

"STOP!" Ciel demanded.

"Fine!" Sebastian pouted as they continued up the rainbow.

Soon, Grell started to sing.

"Somewhere, over the rainbow-"

"Just ignore him." Sebastian whispered to them all.

"-Me and Sebby kissed!~" Grell continued singing.

"WHAT?"

The Undertaker started laughing.

"That's it Grell, you're gonna get it!" Sebastian punched Grell in the face.

"OWWW SEBBY! That wasn't nice!" Grell started crying like a little girl.

"EEEHEEEHEEEHEEE! AHAAHAAHAAHA!" The Undertaker fell to the ground. "I'M DYING OF LAUGHTER! OMG ANOTHER PUN!"

"Jesus Christ!" Ciel yelled.

"Hmmm. I've always wanted to taste the rainbow," the Undertaker said after calming down. Then he licked the rainbow. "It tastes like skittles!" he squealed. "Taste it! Taste the freakin rainbow!"

"Uh, no thanks, I'm good," Ciel replied.

After they eventually unattached the Undertaker's tongue from the rainbow, they continued on. When they finally got to the top Sebastian said:

"Whoa! There's a castle up here!"

"Maybe they'll let me be a princess!" the Undertaker squealed.

"Hey man, if anyone's going to be a princess, it's gonna be me!" replied Grell, "And Sebby will be my prince!"

Sebastian sighed. "Not. Gonna. Happen."

Then Ciel said:

"Let's go inside and see if we can – wait, why are we here again?"

"We're looking for the murderer, remember?" replied the Undertaker.

"Oh yeah, let's go look for him."

They all went inside the castle.

"Hello?" Grell called out.

"Idiot!" Ciel scolded, "We don't want them to know we're here!"

"Why not?" said a voice.

"Oh no, is that…?" asked Ciel.

"HEEERE'S ALLY! HI CIEL!" It was Alois Trancy. :D

"W-Wait, Ciel? I THOUGHT YOUR NAME WAS EARL!" shouted the Undertaker.

"That's my rank of authority, you're such a moron!" yelled Ciel.

The Undertaker then started crying.

"Hi how are you guys?" asked Alois.

"Alois, why are you here?" Ciel asked.

"I live here!" he replied.

"What?"

"This is my summer mansion."

"But it's winter!" Ciel said.

"So?"

"So…did you kill all those people?" Sebastian asked.

"No, Claude did!"

"Where's Claude?"

"Hmm, good question," Alois replied.

"Well that really helps," Grell said sarcastically.

"That's ok!" Alois said, "I'll take you to him! Come with me, Ciel!" Alois ran to Ciel, arms outstretched. He grabbed Ciel by the waist. Suddenly Alois grew wings and flew off with Ciel.

"Bocchan! NOOOOOO! Why can't I fly like that?" Sebastian asked no one in particular.

Up in the sky, Ciel was clinging on for dear life, screaming bloody murder.

"ALOIS!" Ciel screamed, "Whhhaaatt aaarrreee yoouuu dooooiiiinng?"

"Just relax and have some fun! Weeeeeee!"

Five minutes later, Alois landed with Ciel right in front of Sebastian, Grell, and the Undertaker, who was still crying.

"You just flew me around for 5 minutes just to bring me back here!" he asked shakily.

"Well I wanted to buy time because Claude will be back soon anyway, tehe!" he replied.

"I hate you," murmured Ciel.

"Since when do you have wings?" Grell asked.

"Since Claude turned me into a fairy, duh!" Alois replied in a sassy tone.

Soon there was a knock at the door.

"CLAUDE – O!" Alois squealed.

Claude then came in with a carrot on his forehead.

"AAAAHHHHH! HE'S A UNICORN!" Ciel screamed.

"Um, actually, I put that carrot on his head this morning because he ruined my tea," said Alois.

"NOOOO! IT'S A UNICORN!" Ciel started going on a rampage and somehow got Grell's death scythe.

"Hey that's MINE!" Grell pouted.

"DIIIIIEEEE EVIL UNICORN!" Ciel yelled.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Claude screamed. Ciel stabbed Claude right in the chest and he fell to the ground.

"Claude – o! NOOOOOOOO!" Alois screamed, "WHHYY!"

"I did it! I DID IT! I CONQUERED MY FEAR OF UNICORNS!" Ciel shouted happily.

"Oh geez," Sebastian sighed.

"CIEL! HOW COULD YOU?" Alois cried.

"That was a unicorn!" said Ciel.

"You soiled my death scythe!" Grell complained.

"YOU'RE NAME'S NOT EARL!" the Undertaker sobbed sadly.

"Wow, we caught the murder, disposed of him, and everyone's sad! Well except for Bocchan," concluded Sebastian, who looked in the corner and saw Ciel doing a happy dance. "What and awesome day!"

So everyone went home, the Undertaker to his shop, still upset about Ciel's name and not finding any dead bodies, Alois to the regular Trancy manor to poke out Hannah's other eye, and Grell, to who knows where – I guess to the shinigami headquarters, who promised Sebastian a kiss the next time they met.

"Well how about today, Bocchan?" Sebastian asked his master.

"Haha, yeah, let's never do that again," Ciel replied.

The next day Ciel woke up screaming from a nightmare about evil unicorns trying to bite his head off. He really didn't get over his fear. XD

~ Fin ~

**-A/N – Wasn't that pretty funny? Hope you enjoyed it! Please review and if you enjoyed this, read my other crack Kuroshitsuji stories!**

**~reyrocks**


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